Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
