You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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