as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
