You can't special order awesome
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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