just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
