Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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