sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
babies were throwing up all over the place
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
