filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
