There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm just crazy horny about you
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
