I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we're making bets on your personal life
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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