Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
