Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
