I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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