I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
