well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
