Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
