I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
