my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
