My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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