Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
