My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
