Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
