i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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