Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
