so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
