did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
