We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
