I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just want to make out with him forever
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
