Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
