I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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