dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
