On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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