Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize