it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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