Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
