You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
