so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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