once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
