You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
