youre lurking in front of me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
