guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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