be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
