trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
