my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize