I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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