I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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