...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
