ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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