the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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