we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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