dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
