i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
