Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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