So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
