for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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