just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
