I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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