I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
