and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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