Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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