you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
