i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
