Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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