I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
