I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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