Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
