Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
