So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
love makes seman taste better
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize