my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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