Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
