I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
