I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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