does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
