things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
