It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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