even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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